Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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