cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
