you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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