i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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