Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
