Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
