Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
