Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
