if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
3pm strippers are depressing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize