Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
