i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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