I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize