Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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