just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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