Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
