i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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