I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
tell me about the fingering
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
