someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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