every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
