Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
