this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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