I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
