Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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