It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
