well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
