Cold hands, warm shart.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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