You're so nebulous sometimes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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