as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
