I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
