She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
