Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
