Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
