I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
