You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
