how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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