I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
