Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
