I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
