Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
