Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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