Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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