I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
