Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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