I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He felt like a one man threesome
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
