Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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