but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
