Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
