i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
