Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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