i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize