I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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