Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I need to calm my uterus...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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