Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize