PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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