In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
