True but thats because hes a fetus.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
