I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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