I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
