I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
