I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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