Well douche your snatch and let's go!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize